By : benedict shinsange
This is a story about the author, here the author shares his story of experience. After living in the deep end dark for 90 Days of night, Following his stories of love, sorrows and poetic tales. The author learned a lot, he learned what is patience, he learned what true love is and most of all, he learned true sorrow and he learned it the hard way. It was not a good experience, it felt like a nightmare that seemed to prolong for hundreds of thousands of centuries .
The story egins with a nightmare which was a shadow that seemed to be eternal. By being patient, and determined to find light he figured some truths which he found to be eternal to his soul. The author learned that finding all that is eternal for an mortal soul is through pain, there’s no gain without pain, his pain was great, but his rewards were glorious and ware not worthy of comparison . He learned that the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom and that everything is made beautiful in time. What he learned about women was that expect nothing but poison from a woman who’s capable of turning men’s limbs numb. The most glorious thing he witness was the beauty that the woman who had restored him back into the light beheld, there was no description to the beauty he had seen. The quieter you become the the more able you’re able to hear, open your hand if you want to be held, the wounds is where the light enters, there is a voice that doesn’t use words all you have to do is to listen, the author learned all that, the hardest way for 90 long days of night . The author shares all experiences and all that he learned in his story. The nightmare. In the shodows, far away to the unknown world and a darkened universe where even a star twinkles not, a man had been lost. The shadow was dark and the shadow was great and the light was no more to his world. There were no fountains to flow, There were no birds to sing, There was no morning where he could eat, But only a night to where he could sleep restlessly.
A man whom had fallen in the deep shadow could think of many reasons for his darkened universe. He could suggest that maybe light had forgotten him, his thoughts almost drove him astray. In a small and murmurous voice he said: “could god have cursed me? But god isn’t malevolent, but if god isn’t malevolent whence cometh darkness? A man whom had fallen in the shadows could not understand this terror of darkness that had befallen him. He could weep and cry out loud but there was no ear to hear nor listen to his cries and weeps. From where I stand he said: ” whence I come and whither go I? That’s the most unfathomable question we all ask, but for him it was different, for he was lost in a deep and vast universe where it seemed like all reality has disappear into the thin, and this was true to him. Maybe there was light, Not in the external world but in his internal world, The light was maybe in his heart and if he followed it, he could find his way home. The man in the darkened world finally remembered something, The memory came to him as an angel sitting on his tomb, In her hand was cart and ploughing over is bones. He remembered a girl whose beauty is like a haze in the air and she was the most glamorous thing the heavens had to offer, Her beauty could bring any angel from the heavens to earth, And could bring all the dead to the living world, just to gaze upon her beauty. The girl was his first lover, a girl that he hoped would be his forever. At first he could see her from a distance turning men’s limbs numbs, but her beauty blinded him. It was for three days since the glamorous girl had torn his heart into inummerable pieces, and she is what had stolen his light. After he had devoted all his heart and soul to her, by breaking his heart and stealing his light was her way of thanking him. She took all that he offered and she gave not, not a twilight that would steal his little moment of sadness. But what have I done to deserve such terror he said: ” was she too blind to see the love that I beheld for her? are this her true colours?finding the truth you need to look for the answer inside your question, but he was distant from that principle.
From his eyes you could see his crimson tears, They flowed from his lifeless eyes to mingle with the endless shadow. He oozed moisture in drops(shed tears) until his tears were no more. His tears could run out and be replaced by blood. A man lost in the dark could go and look for his light, but whither go does he? He started growing weary in the dark, the thought that he will cease to exist without finding his light kept him alive. He somehow thought that this was true when pythagorus said : “there is a good principle that created, light, order and a man, and there is an evil principle that created darkness, chaos, and a woman”. This was true to him, the woman had planted chaos and darkness upon him. He walked in a perlious path while she walked in humility, The forces of attraction and repulsion, Love and hate were no longer neccessary to him, He could tell the differences between good and evil, good is heaven and evil is hell, But that mattered not to him for he was something in between. If i die he said: “my soul will be wandering and lingering around in this pool of shadows, and my body will be dispersed into elements that experiences no sensation and my light shall be found. This sorrowful words somehow became a motivation and the pilor of strength to him, to stay alive and see sunrises and sunsets again. for this reason he had nothing but hope. The prolonging nightmare. Reminiscing all the pleasant moments he shared with her whom stole his light, he could write love poetic tales all night long. Thinking of her glamour and beauty, he could paint portrais, but the darkness and tears had filled his eyes.
The moments that they shared were the glorious ones so that they comforted him like a little child in the amorous hands of the mother. For a little while did the comfort last, he remembered some words in the bible that stole the moment of saddness a bit, and at the same time the words prolonged the nightmare. The powerful words in the book of Romans 8:18 that states ” For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” these words got him dazzling in his thoughts. He thought his sorrowful pain could not be compared to any form of glory, and again he thought what a relief it could if the words in the book of romans turn into reality to him. But what can be real in this vast and deep shadow? The prisons are built with with stones of law, Churches and mosques and all sacred buildings are built with stones of religion, And he was built with the flesh of shadows. But because the man had learned that no situation was never permanent, his light will come back once more. The saddness had come back once more, and in a loud and thunderous voice that could move mountain and break walls and gates he shouted and said “God! Where do I put my hope now? My only hope is in you “!!! But there were no moutains to move or walls and gates to break. And again there was no response from god but silence for silence is the language of god, but he knew and understood that hope is a waking dream. He could be deeped in the depth of the shadows the more he thought of her whom stole his light, Thinking about her It was as though she was roaring and striking fires in his head. Maybe the pains and the sorrows he felt were messagers and all that he sought to do was to listen. Pondering in his head were this words of regrets ” only if i was inlove with love and love was inlove with me, my body would be inlove with my soul and my soul inlove with my body. I would open my arms to love and love would have embraced me as a lover”. There is more to his words than regret . He somehow wished he was patient to fall inlove, but what is patience he said: “is patience sitting and waiting and not doing nothing?No he answered Patience is foreseeing future, looking at the night and seeing the day”. He somehow thought he had loved the glamorous girl with his eyes but not with his heart. We sought not love in words, beauty or talks, but in deed and truth. Love rest on no foundation, It is an endless ocean with no beginning or end. All which is false troubles the heart, But truth brings joyous tranquility. If thou suffer injustice, console thyself, the true happiness is in doing it, the love they shared was fake for it had a beginning and layed on a foundation, the beauty was the foundation and the moment he layed eyes on her beauty was the was the beginning of the sensual feeling which he called love. By coming into the knowledge of this truths, his heart was led to its last agony. From far she looked spotless of being a thief, her deceptive charm had blinded him , but as she got closer and closer her spots got visible, and by the time he could see those spots she was long gone, not alone but with his light. Any action could take place , and any word could be said, but time had passed him by. If he could’ve been patient he could’ve seen through right her and he could’ve saved himself from this darkened universe he is in now.
He could not stop thinking about the day’s most quiet need and watching his cousey night changing into a sunny dawn. He would reminisce about him watching the moon as it slowly changes phase, he could think of all his previous precious moments, but what he thought of the most was, Will she ever return his light? That’s the quetion none has the answer to, not even he knows. The ending nightmare. Being in the dark for so long, 50th day with a torn apart heard had led him to the true knowledge of what love is, and how to know when it real . Lovers should be patient, and must understand that it takes time for the moon to become full. The man whom had fallen in the shadow remebered Ramans 8:18 again, and gave him hope, he understood that hope is a waking dream . He bared in mind that when his light is back he will not rush love nor love with his eyes, this words he treasured in his head where they will forever stay. The mans purpose is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers that you have built against it. But why does good things come and go, he suggested that maybe it’s because life is a balance of holding and letting. He was getting better and better as though the light was slowly coming back, but longliness was still an unsatisfied thirst for illusion in his darkened universe. Lonliness made him think, and lonliness made him a better man, but there was none to witness the evolution he had undergone, and that left him in wonder of what is left of him. After all everything happens for a reason.
The man started seeking for a path that demands his whole being though it was a perlious one, Flowers could not grow but thorns grew where flowers grow. He would not let the darkness stop him for it was worth the risk taking the perilous path . Him being in that hollow shadow could be a test to see if he has what it takes to get himself out. He could try everything in everyway to get himself out, but it seemed impossible, but he said to his heart “but keep trying my heart for who knows what might be possible” and he believed in God’s miracles and the fact that that miracles duels in the invisible, his world was a perfect one for miracles . The man was motivated to keep trying and he would indeed do so and a bit more. He could recall about the moments he was still a child, the faith that he had which was equated with the one of the saints, but his faith was lacking. Recalling his childhood memeries he became tender and courageous and he was free of fear as men strife for right. The man whom the shadow had befell was growing weary and almost giving up. Just as he was to let go, a twilight appear on the far west from where he stood. But could this twilight be his rescuer or has she returned his light ? None knows, not even him. The dream. Just seeing the the twilight, A dazzling light, a twinkling star, A dawn of the night, after 90 long days of night . The light could not resemble his, maybe being in the dark for too long he had forgotten how it looked. As he was about to go down to his knees and pray to God for advice, out of nowhere an angel of god appeared to him. It seemed as if god knew what he was to ask before he could. The angel said to him : “O dreadful and sorrowful man, consider not dying in this dark living shades, or living eternally in them” Perhaps the angel of god was willing to show him his eternal lot, and to contemplate upon it and to see whether or not the eternal lot or light is his. The angel disappeared the same way he appeared, and the man was with wings of an eagle. This was strange and frightening to him, but the man used his wings to fly to the far west where the light was twinkling, his weariness was gone. The twilight seemed to remove all the boundaries the shadow had set upon him. His nightmare was coming to an end, Romans 8:18 was true true him, the sorrows that he felt were fading away, a new era with taking place. The faster he flew to the west, lo! the brighter the light. The light was slowly becoming lamp to his perilous path and a resilient light to his path. He was getting closer and closer with time, and vast shodow was roughly disappearing. All the bad memories of her whom stole his light vanished, including her deceptive charm and glamour they were no more to his head. They were all cast in the deep, the sorrowful memories were falling to eternal downfalling. Arriving, he saw a mighty goddess looking female, folded up in a black cloud, hovering with flames on the sides of the black cloud . The goddess looking female wasn’t beautiful, but was beauty herself . The man was in complete disbelieve of what he was seeing, he did not now what to do, from his legs you could see him shaking, for he never saw anything that splendid before . The second angel appeared and flanged him in the cloud. The man was suddenly dressed in white, his wounds opened up, and light entered him, his body became a woven light of the heavens. The mans shadows became a sunny dawn. Inside the cloud that he was flanged in, he was with the goddess looking female her eyes green and blazing like a newly born star, she was like anything that he’d seen before, not even the moon in its all phases. He maybe thought she was Venus THE GODDESS OF LOVE, BEAUTY, AND NATURAL PRODUCTIVITY; from roman mythology. She stretched her hand to him, but he was dead, then alive, weeping, the laughing, and in ecstatic joy. The power of love came to him. He became fierce like a lion and then tender like a star. Gazing at her flaming beauty, he was slowly frowned into the real world, a better world than the real, the shadow was cast from inside out and was no more. He felt like he had arose like Elijah, she was his spiritual awakening. Now it’s time to see the sunlight dancing as one with the shadows, the man felt himself being silently drawn by the strange pull of sensual enjoyment. The man closed his eyes, fell in love and hoping to stay there. Is this love he said : “to fly towards a secret sky, To cause hundreds of veils to fall each moment, First to let go of life, Finally, to take a step without feet”, the man had came to a real feeling of love and this feeling could not be defied. Out of nowhere, the third angel appeared, the angel appeared with a sacred scroll, he opened and read the scroll and said:”love is the Ark appointed for the righteous which annuls danger and provide ways of escape, Sell your cleverness and buy the bewilderment, Cleverness is mere opinion but bewilderment is intuition “.
Then angel disappeared the same way he appeared, the words of amazement continually stirred the mans heart, soul and mind. A strange light blew in his universe with great intensity and miraculously, they were grinning and kissing with seemingly eternal fondness, the man and the goddess looking female shone as one. His body was left blazing like a light of a billion stars, and she had disappeared. In the air there was a lingering piece of paper, The paper fell directly on the palm his hand, and on it was written : Out beyond the ideas of doing wrong and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.
copyright : storystar